Information and support linesHatta 07806 746 780 Jane 07951 104 745 or contact FFLAG (Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) - www.fflag.org.uk Parent groupsFor information about Families Together London's monthly meetings, click here. Birmingham parents - www.bpsg.co.uk Depend, a website for the family and friends of trans people - www.depend.org.uk Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (FFLAG), the national organization for friends and families - provides information on other parents groups around the country - www.fflag.org.uk Parents of Jewish Gays and Lesbians - www.parentsofjewishgaysandlesbians.co.uk Parents Enquiry North East - www.parentsofgays.co.uk Support for Parents of Lesbians and Gay Men in Wales - www.splagwales.org.uk WebsitesMumsnet - by parents for parents www.mumsnet.com PACE counselling service for LGBT people offers a family support helpline - www.pacehealth.org.uk Parentchannel.tv, video support - www.parentchannel.tv Parentlineplus, a charity that supports parents in a number of ways, including bullying - www.parentlineplus.org.uk Stonewall (organisation that campaigns for lesbian and gay rights) has an advice line - www.stonewall.org.uk Terrence Higgins Trust - www.tht.org.uk go to: 'Family Matters'
Books for parents'Gays the Word' is a very helpful bookshop which holds a wide range of books on issues of sexuality, including those for parents and young people - 66 Marchmont Street, London WC1N 1AB (Russell Square Tube) 020 7278 7654 - www.gaystheword.co.uk The following are books which Families Together London members have found helpful: 'Is it a Choice? Answers to the most frequently asked questions about gay and lesbian people' Marcus, E. (1993) HarperSanFrancisco. A very helpful and sensible book. The parts in which the law is discussed refer to US law, not British. 'My Child is Gay: How parents react when they hear the news'. B. McDougall (2006). Allen and Unwin. 'A Guide for Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays'. Produced by www.fflag.org.uk. 'Beyond Acceptance: Parents of lesbians and gays talk about their experiences'. Welch Griffin, C., Wirth, M. J. and Wirth, A. G. (1996) St Martins's Griffin. 'The No-Nonsense Guide to Sexual Diversity'. Baird, V. (2007) Oxford: New Internationalist. ‘Living It Out: A survival guide for lesbian, gay and bisexual Christians, and their friends, families and churches’. Rachel and Sarah Hagger-Holt (2009) 'Prayers for Bobby'. Leroy Aarons (1995) Harrowing and true story of a fundamentalist Christian mother in the US who did not accept her son's sexuality until after he committed suicide. Has been made into a TV documentary in the US. Resources for your son or daughterYou may be anxious about your son or daughter accessing information on the Internet. However, for some young people, this is the only way they can make contact with other young people like themselves. Good sites can also be excellent sources of information and advice. If you are worried, check out the sites yourself first, and also look at our advice on cyberbullying under 'Keeping Busy, Healthy and Safe'.
Being gay is OK - www.bgiok
Gay Youth - www.gayyouth.org.uk for those who are 25 or under
(there is also a 'discreet' site - www.gyuk.org.uk)
The Gay Youth Corner - www.thegyc.com for gay people aged 14 -25
Queer Youth Network run by and for LGBTQ youth and teens - www.queeryouth.org.uk
Finding positive role models for your son or daughterIf you have a young daughter or son who has told you, or who you think may tell you eventually, that he or she may be gay, lesbian or bisexual, it is worth thinking about what they read and what they see on television about lesbian, gay and bisexual people. It will be helpful to them if they can experience strong, positive and realistic images. Your local library may have a lesbian/gay teen section, although many don't. Much of the available fiction comes from the USA and is available here. Television Programmes
TV programmes for older young people which provide positive gay role models include: 'Beautiful People', 'Torchwood', 'Hollyoaks' (which won an award from Stonewall for its representation of gay relationships). 'East Enders' currently carries a story line involving a young gay Muslim. 'Shameless', whilst a bleak but funny portrayal of life on a Manchester estate, includes several good (and some bad!) role models. Fiction
'Kiss' by Jacqueline Wilson (2007) Doubleday/Corgi Books. Suitable for young teenage readers and is about the impact on friends when a boy realises that he likes another boy at his school. 'Who lies inside' by Timothy Ireland. A sixth former discovers his sexuality. Good films to see with your son or daughterBut I'm a Cheerleader... Making fun of reparative therapy in the USA Milk The story of California's first openly gay elected official, Harvey Milk Victim A prominent lawyer goes after a blackmailer who threatens gay men with exposure (homosexual acts still being illegal). But he's gay himself... Wilde The story of Oscar Wilde Books for young children with an LGBT family memberIf you have a lesbian or gay family member, then it will be important to think about how to help young children in your family develop an understanding and acceptance of same-sex relationships. Start early, before they encounter negative stereotypes! 'And Tango Makes Three' by Justin Richardson. Two male penguins adopt an egg. 'King and King' by Linda de Hann and Stern Nijland. A king doesn't fancy any princesses. 'Spacegirl Pukes' by Katy Watson and Vanda Carter. Spacegirl has two mums. You can get these books from: 'Gays the Word' bookshop - 66 Marchmont Street, London WC1N 1AB (Russell Square Tube) 020 7278 7654 - www.gaystheword.co.uk. For other resources try: www.outforourchildren.co.uk.
GlossaryComing out is the term which describes the act of communicating with another person about one's sexuality. Genderqueer is a term used by some young people who do not feel that they can easily slot into either gender category. Heterosexism refers to the way in which society is built on the assumption that everyone should be heterosexual. Heteronormative refers to cultures where heterosexuality is encouraged and other identities are ignored or responded to negatively. A heteronormative society disregards the reality of sexual diversity. The educational and social needs of lesbians, gays and others, and the needs of their families, are ignored. Homophobia This refers, not only to the nastiness and hatred that is sometimes directed towards lesbina and gay people, but also the act of standing by and doing nothing in the face of obvious discrimination. (Also biphobia and transphobia).
Intersex An intersex person is born with anatomy that does not conform with contemporary views of what constitutes a male' or a 'female' body. This mean that the gender of that person should not be assigned permanently.
LGB (lesbian, gay and bisexual) and LGBT (lesbian, gay bisexual and transgender) are commonly-used abbreviations. Queer is a word which was once intended to be offensive, but it has been re-adopted by the gay community. 'Queer politics' emerged in the late 1980s and 1990s and is commonly used in academic fields. It was a reaction to separate groups and narrow identities, and might be regarded as a more inclusive title, being an umbrella term which can cover lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals, as well as some heterosexual people. Questioning young people are uncertain of their sexuality and still thinking about it. Self-realisation is the process all lesbians and gays experience, as they come to understand that their sexuality is different from most. This may happen a long time (usually years) before a person starts to communicate with others about their sexuality.
Transgender is an umbrella term which covers a range of situations where there is a mismatch between assigned gender and gender expression. Transgender people may identify as heterosexual or LGB. Transsexual people have the physical characteristics of one sex, but feel that they belong to the other. Transvestites have no desire to change their sex but like to cross-dress.
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Resources for Parents |