Those who come to our meetings include people from a wide range of backgrounds, cultures and religious beliefs. Most of those who come are parents, but we also see grandparents, siblings and friends.
A major resource in the group is the number of parents who, whatever journey they have made, are incredibly proud of their sons and daughters. Many support the group in order to help other parents. Others contribute by campaigning in support of LGBT people generally.
Some parents come by themselves, but many couples attend together. There are regular attendees, whilst others only come to meetings occasionally.
Garry, Jackie, Mary and Hatta
Families Together London members
It is understandable for newcomers to feel anxious about coming to their first meeting, but there is a warm welcome for new parents. We allow plenty of time for listening to people when they come for the first time, although no-one has to talk unless they feel they really want to.
Each session is divided into structured meeting time and an informal chat over a free lunch. The structured meeting time will include: listening to new members, an update on everyone's personal news and feedback from conferences or meetings that some members will have attended.
We talk about a whole range of issues. We regularly discuss our own feelings, how other family members are coping, whether and how to tell other family members, such as grandparents.
A typical Families Together London meeting
From time to time a guest speaker is invited. Speakers have included: a speaker on 'The Bible and Homosexuality', a Muslim mother of a gay son, a speaker on homophobic bullying in schools.
We meet once a month on the second Saturday of every month at 12.30pm. Meetings are free and there is easy parking and wheelchair access. For those who cannot come to meetings, we try to keep in touch by visiting each other or meeting up on other days of the week.
If you'd like more information about our meetings, including how to come along, please contact Hatta.
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| Hatta |
07806 746 780 /
020 8874 4214 |
hatta@familiestogetherlondon.com |
| Jackie |
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jackie@familiestogetherlondon.com |
| Jane |
07951 104 745 |
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| Marjorie |
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marjorie@familiestogetherlondon.com
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Meeting calendar
Meetings and events calendar
How meetings can help
We find that parents change in their views over time. Every situation is different, but there are factors that will affect how parents feel when they first realise that they have an LGBT son or daughter. These include:
- parents' cultural and religious backgrounds
- whether or not they have other LGBT friends or family members
- the age of the son or daughter
It can also be hard to acknowledge the additional difficulties our LGBT sons and daughters might have in their lives because of society's views.
In the book 'Beyond Acceptance: Parents of lesbians and gays talk about their experiences', Carolyn Welch Griffin and Arthur Wirth describe the different levels of understanding that parents sometimes go through:
Level 1: Self-centred concern
At first, parents often experience feelings of loss and mourning. Many cry or feel inconsolable without being able to understand why they feel so bad. Many parents experience loneliness and isolation, and this is exacerbated if they cannot talk to anyone.
Parents may feel guilty and wonder if they are to blame. Some are very fearful of the reactions of family, friends, neighbours and society generally.
At this stage, parents often have little or no knowledge of LGBT issues. They need more information but have difficulties accessing it. Joining groups and meeting other parents can reduce the loneliness and be one step towards being better informed.
Level 2: Child-centred concern
Over time, parents become less immersed in their own feelings. They gradually adjust to the situation and are able to take a different perspective.
Parents begin to understand the difficulties their son or daughter may have been going through alone and sometimes feel guilty that they did not know at the time.
They acknowledge the difficulties their son or daughter faces and begin to take more interest in LGBT issues.
They are supportive of their children. Some will start reaching out to other parents and offering their support.
Level 3: Concern for all LGBT people and their parents
Parents see the benefits as well as the disadvantages of having an LGBT son or daughter.
They are less threatened by different opinions and are more likely to challenge homophobic remarks.
Being better informed, parents now recognise the injustices perpetrated against the LGBT community and often want to do something about it. They have friendships with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and also within self-help groups.
They attend events such as Pride marches and take part in political activism.
No parents fit exactly into this model, but most will recognise here some of the forward progress they have made or want to make. Part of the work of the Families Together London group and is to support parents in making these transitions.
'The way you feel and act now about your child's gayness is not the way you will feel and act next year.'
Welch Griffin et al (1996)
How LGBT sons and daughters feel
Knowing that their parents are seeking support and help can be a great relief to a son or daughter, who may feel guilty at the impact their news has had on their parents' lives.
LGBT sons and daughters appreciate their parents' efforts to adapt and adjust and most are pleased that their parents are not only seeking help and support, but also becoming more informed about the issues they face. This often has a strengthening effect on family relationships.
