Supporting LGBT Youth, their Parents and Families

Some people mistakenly assume that sexuality is a matter for older teenagers, not young children. Yet 6% of the calls about homophobic bullying to ChildLine in one month in 2006 were from children under the age of 11 and 60% of calls were from young people aged 12-15. Some of these calls will have been from children with issues of gender identity, who are more likely to encounter problems at an earlier age.

 

There are some quite startling health inequalities faced by young people who identify, or who will eventually identify, as lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans. Compared to their heterosexual counterparts, LGBT young people are more likely to experience mental health problems, especially depression and anxiety. They are also more likely to self-harm or to attempt suicide. Increased suicide risk is associated with, among other things, conflict with parents about sexual orientation, not coming out, being told by adults that their feelings are transitory (‘just a phase’) and having to  leave home because of negative attitudes towards sexual orientation (Department of Health, 2007). This highlights the importance of ensuring that there is high quality information and advice available to parents.

 

The statistics available on homophobic bullying in schools is by now well-documented (Stonewall, 2006). LGB young people are more likely to take time off school. Many choose to leave full-time education at 16, despite having the qualifications to stay on (Rivers 2000). In our universities, 50% of students have reported: ‘…significant levels of ill-treatment because of their sexuality, including homophobic comments from staff’. They also report negative treatment leading to self-exclusion from sports clubs, religious societies and halls of residence. LGB students are more likely to take a year out of their HE courses than their straight counterparts (Valentine and Wood, 2009).

 

LGB people are more likely to experience hate crime in the form of insults, harassment and physical assault. The figures for physical assault double where the victim is black (Stonewall, 2008).

 

The parents and families of LGBT youth

The parents of LGBT young people are a complex group with a diverse range of needs. Helping this group is vitally important in supporting young LGBT people effectively. This is especially true now that young people come out or transition at an earlier age - often whilst still at school and whilst their parents still have parental responsibility for them.

 

Some young people cope well with the process of self-realisation and coming out. Others experience all kinds of emotional difficulties, and their parents and families, not necessarily knowing what is wrong, are not as well placed to help as they might be.

 

For some parents, perhaps because of cultural or religious beliefs, the idea of a having a gay or bisexual son or a lesbian or bisexual daughter is very difficult to accept, especially at first. Ignorance can leave some parents susceptible to dangerous misconceptions; for example, that their parenting is in some way to blame, that their son or daughter has made a choice, or that he or she has in some way been influenced by others. Some parents are encouraged to believe that their child can be ‘cured’ by prayer, exorcism or marriage.

 

Existing Support Systems for Parents and Family Members

Support for parents of lesbian, gay or bisexual sons and daughters is largely aimed at those who are finding it hard to accept the sexuality of their child. Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays (FFLAG), for example, provides a website which enables parents to find helpline numbers and local support groups (although these are few and far-between). There are also groups for parents of trans children (such as ‘Mermaids’) where they can meet and the children or young people can mix with one another in a safe place.

 

Families Together London (FTL) is a London-based support group for parents and family members of LGBT people. There are also helplines linked to FFLAG. At FTL we are very conscious of the needs of all parents of LGBT youth. Even those who are completely accepting of their son’s or daughter’s gender identity or sexuality will need information. The website www.familiestogetherlondon.com provides a wide range of information on issues such as safety, safe sex, education and religion, with several links to other sites.

 

Parents of Asian or Afro-Caribbean origin are particularly hard to access. Some of these parents are supported by other front-line services, such as the Naz project in London. These services are essential in providing support that is rooted in the culture and religion of the families concerned.

 

Information for parents

It is very difficult for parents to find sources of help once they realise that their son or daughter is LGB or T. In our experience, many ‘new’ parents do not know what LGBT stands for and have never heard of Stonewall, let alone FFLAG or FTL. Parents rely on other services like the Parentline Plus website and the Family Information Directory to help them access appropriate support. The Parentline Plus website has made good use of FTL’s services to produce advice on homophobic bullying and ‘FAQs’.

 

A serious gap arises where parents do not realise that their son or daughter who is experiencing a problem might be LGBT. When parents look for advice on anxiety, depression, attempted suicide, self-harming or eating disorders, for example, there is no mention of sexual orientation, even though these problems arise more frequently in young LGBT people. We have raised this with Parentline Plus.

 

Of particular note is self-harming. The website www.queeryouth.org.uk: created, managed and financed by LGBT young people, carries a section where self-harmers help one another to stop. For any adult, it is chilling to realise that this peer support is the only help that some of these children are getting.

 

Support from professionals

Many parents need the help of professionals in supporting their LGBT offspring, whether or not they know of their son or daughter’s status. The difficulties these young people encounter mean that an elevated number compared to heterosexual young people go through the hands of General Practitioners, Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) professionals, senior teachers, Special Educational Needs Co-ordinators,  Educational Psychologists and so on.

 

Young LGBT people who are particularly vulnerable are those who have a disability such as a hearing impairment or autism. The parents of these young people are very reliant on the professionals associated with their child’s disability.

 

The knowledge base of professionals is very patchy and we would advocate that some awareness of LGBT issues is included in the initial training or CPD of everyone who works with children and young people, including school governors.

 

Those professionals who have strong religious views may need guidance in maintaining a professional stance in the face of their religious beliefs. The NHS provides clear guidelines to staff on this, as did the General Teaching Council (GTC). With the closure of the GTC, it is important that this guidance for teachers comes from elsewhere.

  

Homophobic Bullying

We hear a lot about homophobic bullying in schools, but it also takes place in out-of-school activities, clubs and societies, Sixth Forms, Sixth Form Colleges and Colleges of Further Education. We would like to see the Equalities Act put to use to encourage all these organisations to develop anti-bullying policies, with specific reference to homophobic bullying, and to take responsibility for the way all the young people they work with, and those associated with them, are treated.

 

Choice of School

At the present time, parents have nowhere to turn if they want to find a school, Sixth Form or College which will provide the best environment for their LGBT son or daughter. Asking the school is not always an option for fear of ‘outing’ a child. Ofsted reports do not routinely report on a school’s record on successfully including young LGBT people. We would like this to be a requirement of all Ofsted reports, including those for nurseries.

 

We would like all schools to be required to provide information on what they do to support and include LGBT young people on their websites and in their prospectuses, as is the case with special educational needs.

 

Education

Improving our education system to better support LGBT young people and the children of same-sex couples, would make a huge difference to their lives, and those of their families. Schools at all levels can make a difference through the formal and informal curriculum: from the nursery that mentions civil partnerships as well as marriage when talking about families, to the primary school that provides the language children need to understand and explain, to the secondary school that provides a safe space for all young people to engage in discussion. The persistence of the use of the word ‘gay’ to mean ‘rubbish’ in the young, despite efforts from teachers, could be effectively countered if young people were to hear the words ‘lesbian’, ‘gay’, ‘bisexual’ and ‘trans’ more frequently, in context, from responsible adults in schools and on children’s entertainment programmes. Without this, these words, and the people they describe, will remain ‘taboo’ and excluded.

 

High quality Sex and Relationships Education (SRE) is essential to improving the way schools prepare all our young people (and future parents) to lead happier and more fulfilling lives.  FFLAG is represented at the Sex Education Forum (SEF) and contributes to all consultation on SRE in schools. Members of FFLAG and FTL have campaigned for SRE that is inclusive of LGBT issues (i.e. that is taught alongside heterosexual issues, not as if it were a separate subject). It is important to note that the Sex Education Forum, working in conjunction with the UK Youth Parliament, is campaigning for compulsory and inclusive SRE and better training for those who teach it. Young people are also asking for SRE to continue beyond 16 and, as parents of LGBT youth, we would argue that this is essential. Many under-16s are not yet sure of their sexuality and need more support into Sixth Form or FE College.

 

Besides SRE, there are other aspects of the Personal, Social and Health Education (PSHE) curriculum that are important. The most recent report by Ofsted: ‘Personal, Social, Health and Economic Education in Schools’ (2010) tells us that, in 10% of the schools visited, the students did not understand what ‘homophobic’ meant and did not understand why it was unacceptable to call each other ‘gay’. We would like PSHE to be treated with the same importance and status as other school subjects and for work on LGBT issues to be compulsory, at an age-appropriate level, in all schools. A lead on this from central government is all the more important now that the Healthy Schools programme, which was taking the lead on this at local level, is likely to be closed down.

 

Schools are currently expected to consult with their local communities on their PSHE provision. Those community groups who are against the teaching of LGBT issues in schools are often outspoken and antagonistic. Most parents of LGBT young people are not aware that their sons and daughters are LGBT whilst they are still at school and, even if parents are aware, might not choose to be too vociferous in support of LGBT concerns for fear of drawing attention to their child. Thus this group is unlikely to be properly represented in consultations on PSHE. We look to a sensible government to recognise the problems we have in representing our children’s interests and to make LGBT issues a compulsory part of the curriculum in every school, including faith schools.

 

The Media

We welcome the recent report based on the survey undertaken by the BBC on LGB portrayal in their programming. Schools alone cannot undo the harm created by the inaccurate and unhealthy stereotypes promoted by some groups and some sections of the media. We rely on the more responsible sections of the media to provide us with positive role models for our children.

  

Front Line Services and Charities

Some of us in our parent group have to cope with the effects of homophobia on our children: the self-hatred, the anger, the self-harming and the self-destructive behaviour, all rooted in deep unhappiness. Sometimes we have to cope with these troubles whilst keeping the reasons for it a secret from other family members, our neighbours and our faith community.

 

Several of us have made use of the frontline LGBT services and charities like the Naz Project, Broken Rainbow, PACE and Stonewall. These services are invaluable to us because they offer what non-LGBT services currently cannot – support based on an understanding of the issues.

 

This is also true of young people who do not have the support of their parents. Compared to straight young people, young LGBT people are more likely to experience domestic abuse from either parent, or even siblings (Yip, 2004). They need somewhere to turn for help when faced with homelessness, forced marriage, forced repatriation or exorcism (Albert Kennedy Trust, 2010).

 

We would hope that the important role of frontline services and charities are recognised when cuts are made to services.

 

References

 

ChildLine Casenotes (2006) Calls to ChildLine about sexual orientation, homophobia and homophobic bullying NSPCC website www.nspcc.org.uk (accessed May 2010)

 

Department of Health (2007) Reducing health inequalities for lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people. Briefing 3: Young lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) people

Richards, G. and Armstrong, F. (2010) Teaching and Learning in Diverse and Inclusive Classrooms: Key Issues for New Teachers. London: Routledge  (Includes a chapter written by a parent of two gay sons: Half a Million Unseen, Half a Million Unheard: Inclusion for gender identity and sexual orientation)

Rivers, I. (2000) Social exclusion, absenteeism and sexual minority youth. Support for Learning 15(1):13-18.

Stonewall (2006) The School Report: The experiences of young gay people in Britain’s schools. London: Stonewall.

Valentine and Wood (2009) 'The experiences of lesbian, gay and bisexual staff and students in higher education', Equality and Human Rights Commission research summary 39

Yip, A. K. T. (2004) Negotiating space with family and kin in identity construction: the narratives of British non-heterosexual Muslims. The Sociological Review 52(3):336 – 350.

Details of parent groups across the country and other frontline services can be found on: www.familiestogetherlondon.com

Reply from Sarah Teather

 

Sarah Teather MP

Minister of State for Children and Families

 

29 November 2010

 

‘Thank you for your letter of  9th October about Families Together London and the document on supporting LGBT youth and their families. Once again I was interested to read about your work and I would like to thank you for putting this document together. It is always important to us to have the input of organisations such as yours which have such a wealth of expertise and practical experience of the issues that affect children, young people and families.

 

I was pleased to see that many of the issues you raise are already on our policy agenda, for example, through the work I described in my previous letter to combat homophobic bullying and make SRE more inclusive. However, I recognize that there is much more to do to support LGBT young people and their families and your ideas will be very helpful in contributing to our thinking in this area. I was particularly interested to read about your ideas on how professionals working with LGBT young people can better support them and their parents, and about the difficulties parents have in identifying schools which will have a good environment for their LGBT child. These, and the other issues you raise, are extremely important and I would like to thank you for bringing them to my attention.

 

I will pass your document on to my officials working on all the areas you touch upon to feed into their further work, including that on the Big Society’.