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Sex, Relationships and Family Life

Sexual relationships

The age of consent for all young people is 16 years. Many parents find the idea of their child being in a sexual relationship difficult, but it may be particularly hard if it is a same-sex relationship. If the idea of homosexual sexual activity bothers you, or if you are not yet ready to think about it, then it makes sense to give yourself more time.
 
 
'We must be allowed to love with honour'.
 
Desmond Tutu
 

If you are ready to think about sex in same-sex relationships, then here are some thought that might help. Click here.

Civil partnership

Since December 2005, same-sex couples have been able to register as civil partners and to enjoy the same rights, privileges and advantages as a married couple.  Broadly, these include inheritance and tenancy rights, next of kin rights (including those around bereavement and registration of death), and tax, social security and pension rights, as well as recognition for immigration and nationality purposes. 

Whether or not a couple become legally bound to each other is always a very personal decision, but it does give increased security as they get older, and is definitely advantageous if they are well off.  And of course many couples just feel that it is important to make a public declaration of their love and commitment to each other.

However, it also has to be remembered that a civil partnership may bring the same disadvantages that can be experienced by a married couple, most notably in the field of means-tested benefits such as pension credit, income support, income-based jobseeker’s allowance, housing benefit, council tax benefit and working tax credit.  Even the eligibility of the child of one partner for a student loan or grant can be affected.  All these things will be assessed against the joint income and savings of both partners, who may well therefore find themselves disadvantaged financially if they become legally partnered.

This does not mean that it would be better to stay single. The authorities will wish to ascertain whether or not couples are ‘living together as husband and wife or civil partners’ (admirably abbreviated to LTAHW/CP!)  Their assessment of whether or not two people fall into this category is based on a number of factors including the couple’s financial arrangements, whether there is a sexual relationship, the stability and length of the relationship, and even how the couple appear in public.  If a gay man or woman does not disclose that they are living together as if they were civil partners, it will be viewed as a fraudulent claim.  “Co-habiting” is a term that now includes LGB couples.
 

Making and breaking a civil partnership

A same-sex couple wishing to become civil partners need to give at least 15 days notice (and preferably more) in person to a Registrar in the office of an area where they have both resided for at least 7 days.  If they wish the registration to take place elsewhere, they will also need to clear that with the appropriate authority for that area.  Over the following 15 days, documentation will be checked to ensure that the proposed partnership is legal, and a notice will be entered in the publically available ‘civil partnership notice book’ (the old ‘banns’), to allow for any objections to be made.  A difference here from a heterosexual marriage announcement is that the addresses of same-sex partners will not be published.

On the day of the Civil Partnership the couple can, if they so wish, simply attend the registered premises and, together with two witnesses, sign the appropriate document – whereas heterosexuals have to actually recite a set of formal verbal vows.  They may additionally choose to have a partnership ceremony (including readings, music, pledges and rings), which will have been planned with the Registrar in advance, but they are not permitted to have any form of religious service.  However, in some denominations (eg the Quakers) a minister may agree to hold a subsequent ‘blessing’ service.

Should the partnership later fail, a ‘dissolution’ (not 'divorce’) can be sought on the grounds of irretrievable breakdown of the civil partnership.  The grounds for demonstrating this are the same as for a heterosexual marriage, with the main exception that adultery is not in itself a ground for dissolution, although sexual infidelity may be accepted as ‘unreasonable behaviour’.  Indeed, a civil partnership does not require the relationship to be of a sexual nature at all, so that non-consummation is not a ground for a nullity.

Thanks to Janet Jeffries of SPLAG Wales for this information

Religious blessing

A recent amendment to the Equality Act (2010), put forward by Waheed Alli, a gay Muslim and Labour peer, will enable organisations to  hold legally recognised religious ceremonies for same-sex partnerships. Several religious communities – Quakers, Liberal Judaism, Metropolitan Community Churches and many of the Unitarian and Free Christian Churches – have already expressed this wish.

Get Hitched! A guide to civil partnership - www.stonewall.org.uk
 

Parenting

Recent legislation means that lesbian couples who have children through fertility treatment can now both be named as parents on the birth certificate – previously only the birth mother could be shown as a parent.  From next April this will be extended to include male couples who have children born through surrogacy.  Same sex couples have been able to legally adopt children since 2002.
 
Out for our Children: books and resources that reflect the lives and family experiences of young children with lesbian or gay parents - www.outforourchildren.co.uk.
 
The D'arcy Lainey foundation, helpline for lesbian and gay parents -
01706 849979 (24 hours)
 
New Family Social, a UK support group for lesbian and gay adopters - www.newfamilysocial.co.uk
 
Rainbow Parents, social and support group for lesbian and gay parents, meet on the first Sunday of the month from 2.00pm to 4.00pm. Phone 07506012282, or email rainbowparents@googlemail.com
 
South London Lesbian Mums Group - try Googling
 
Saffron, L. (2002) It's a Family Affair: The Complete Lesbian Parenting Handbook. DIVA Central Books ISBN 1-873741-62-6
 
Stuart, E. (1995) Just Good Friends: Towards a lesbian and gay theology of relationships. Mowbray ISBN 0-264-67328-X
 
Toevs, K. and Brill, S. (2006) The Essential Guide to Lesbian Pregnancy and Birth. Alyson books ISBN-1-55583-626-7